Parker

Like every other Statham movie, but not as good.
 

Despite being similar to Statham’s other characters there is something about Parker that is just far less likeable, probably the fact he is just as dodgy as the bad guys, but claims he has certain standards which make his killing and stealing out to be ok. “I don’t steal from people who can’t afford it, and I don’t hurt people who don’t deserve it.” He says while stealing $1.2m from a county fair. I don’t know much about the American Carnival circuit, but it must be one hell of a good job if they can afford to take that kind of hit. Still, a hostage starts to freak out and Statham, (dressed as a priest) helps him keep calm, earning himself some more nice guy points.

The heist successful, Statham’s criminal posse turns nasty when he decides not to use his cut to fund the gang’s next big job. Clearly these guys haven’t seen Transporter or Crank, so think attempting to kill our bald headed bad-ass hero is a wise move. Despite a good beating and a few bullet wounds, Parker manages to discharge himself from the hospital, and begins car-jacking his way to revenge. 

 

His exploits put his loving girlfriend (not Jenifer Lopez!) in the firing line, but we’re told that’s cool because he needs to kill these guys for the principal. The film comes to a grinding halt as he slowly tracks down his betrayers, kicking only the occasional ass on the way, and teaming up with hapless real estate agent Jenifer Lopez. J-Lo brings pretty much nothing to the table since we have already established the Stath’s in a committed relationship with a woman who gets about 3 minutes of screen time. Her performance appears to be taken straight out of her rom-com back catalogue, making her already pointless character seem even more out of place. continue to follow a lack lustre version of the usual Statham movie format, walking away from life threatening injuries just because he’s hard, driving J-lo wild by being mysterious and eventually (SPOILERS!) killing all the bad guys.

In short: Lacking the sexy cars, stunts and high speed chases of the Transporter movies, and the outright ridiculous action of Crank, Parker feels like it never really goes anywhere, and never gets you on the edge of your seat. If you REALLY love The Stath and have to see it, wait for the DVD.