Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Lashings of guns and gore in this action packed twist on a classic fairy tale.

When I first saw the posters for this movie with the crazy title and crazier guns I thought this movie could plunge straight down the toilet, especially after the flop of last year’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. But the closer it came to the release date, the more excited I became for what promised to be a great, if somewhat mindless, fantasy action adventure. With those expectations in mind Hansel and Gretel certainly delivers, and then some.

You know the original story; Hansel and Gretel abandoned in the woods by their father stumble across a mysterious cottage made of delicious sweet treats. Lost and hungry they head inside and are taken captive by a wicked witch. Hansel is locked in a cage and fatten up on delicious sweeties while Gretel is forced to serve their evil captor. The pair eventually outsmart the witch and burn her to death in her own oven. It is about this point that the fairytale ends, and the movie takes a whole new turn. 

Filled with anger over their abandonment and with a taste for witch blood the siblings make a name for themselves across medieval Germany as witch-slaying bounty hunters. The title sequence flashed up a series ye olde style news paper headlines about the duos accomplishments in the years after their encounter in the candy cottage as a nice way to jump from fresh faced youngsters to adult bad-asses without wasting any time. (Where did they come across their witch-slaying arsenal of rifles, rapid fire crossbows and Gatling  guns? Who needs to know?)

Cool bounty hunters don't look at burning witches

After a large number of children disappear from a small town the mayor hires the titular duo to get to the bottom of it and bring the youngster back alive. Much to the chagrin of the towns villainous Sherriff (Peter Stormare)  who would much rather burn any woman accused of witchcraft until the problem goes away. (queue scene of witch on trial in front of angry villagers, during which I couldn’t help but listen out for a shout of “She turned me into a newt” which, alas, never came.) the story drives on with barely a pause for such things as character development, two much of which would have felt totally out of place, and it isn’t long before we are treated to showers of gore, explosive fight scenes and cheesy witches, all coming at you in glorious 3D.

 The cast is solid so long as you can suspend your disbelief of American accents in medieval Germany (which, if you can deal with a cottage made of lollipops shouldn’t be too big a stretch) the CGI holds up and the 3D is thoroughly abused in order to chuck as many exploding heads, and flying limbs as possible into the audience. Yes it is flawed (crimanally under using the fantastic Stormare) but at 88 minutes in length you sure as hell won’t get bored.

Oh, yeah, there is also a friendly troll

In Short: Hansel and Gretel delivers exactly what one would expect, and more. If you like your movies a bit more challenging, with  fleshed out characters and a rich storyline which keep you deep in thought long after you leave the cinema, then you’re better to avoid this one. If you want a kick ass popcorn flick with a reasonable dose of originality and some fairy tale cheese then be sure to catch this, as it is defiantly one for the big screen!